After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
