Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
