The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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