my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
