he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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