did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
