Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
