I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Buhtt sex?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
