I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
