During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
