its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
