She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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