We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
