My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
