Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This is the high leading the old right now
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
