dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
