what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
