This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
