I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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