Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
