I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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