How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
