it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
