If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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