if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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