look no pants
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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