its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
