when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
