so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
