omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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