I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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