Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
