Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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