Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
