you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
