I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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