They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You pole danced in your parka.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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