I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
