That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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