i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
