Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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