So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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