is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
