If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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