I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
