That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
