He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
