Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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