Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
