Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
