he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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